I GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP ...

i have to face it ...
he's gone
he tried to stay but cancerous growths took him away
that was last year on January the 4th ... It's now November 13th 2024

the trauma began like a small whirlpool of doubt when he rejected my physical body but still wanted me around ...
i busied myself but wore out my machinery - virtual and real till i could take it no more and filed for divorce ...
it was amicable as he helped me from start to finish albeit his veiled statement every now and again that he didn't ask me to leave him ...
i melded into a new dream life through that time but lockdown panic swept me back to my familiar shores with him and i lived in my own home as a stranger not knowing he was going to pass away ... truly it felt like he had been ripped away from me ...
the unreality of it all still haunts me ...
it was such a cold time ...
i was forced to get involved in worldly business and only now feel i have successfully untangled myself from all that red tape ...
it was pretty timely, methinks looking ahead through the mists of elapsed memories ...
it is over ...
i believe i wrote to Johnny Depp that we are going to miss art ...
it was in private response to my musings about artificial intelligence ...
i had been really, really insulted by the creeping in of easy as pie artworks ...
i was used to blood, sweat and tears to complete an artwork ...
eventually i succumbed ....
i needed something quick to numb the painful yearning to complete things before i, myself, passed away ... yes, death had become my companion as he slipped away ...
unconscious to the depths of ease with which i was creating more and more using apps and then tools my art finally collapsed into itself ...
that part of my imagination became hungry for the perfection of the machine's imagination ...
lazy is not the word ... there has to be a harsher word ... perhaps a sentence! i became even more sloth-like ...
and then turning 60 just before he passed away ...
everything had to be done in a hurry ...
i lost weight ... literally giving away things to become lighter ...
i had nowhere to go ...
long story short, i ended up here nestled between three mountains .... it's cold when it rains but it gets very hot when not ...
landed with my ass in the butter ...
very tasty if too poor not to resort to trying to sell of myself that which i'd built up on the wwwwindows for the surfers to perhaps buy ...
that me now ... trying to captivate your imagination .... hoping that i may garner enough interest from your inquisitiveness to peruse my merch, as they say ...
it is all over ... search me out ... it's easy: raine carosin are the two words to type in the search engine ...
what different in my endeavours to beggarship?
first i must catch up with why i started to write this story: i'm about to share a song i wrote the lyrics to .... ai did the singing, the melody, etc., to my simple specs .... suno.com ...
that's why i told this tale on myself ...
perhaps it is easier to understand my writings now xxx
much warmth around you and yours, I pray ... may ye all not lack for anything xxx

BITTER PILL/DUST
Lyrics by Raine Carosin
music, vocals & production suno.com

Y'know that feeling
When you taste your tongue
And the years of bitterness
Promise you'll never be young
All the polish and perfume
Won't hide the rot
That's set in and promises to be
All you've got

You know that feeling
Of being the only one
Who feels the itch
On your bitter tongue
And you can't change the past
And you can't change the pulse
So you just layer the dusty feelings
With more mulch

I wish I could roll away
Break from this pattern
Stop feeling sorry for Earth
And Mars and Saturn
But if I could just roll away
Like the singer sings his song
I'd still be caught in a gravity
Of something long gone

All used up
All spent and worn
The bitter dust
Wants to take form
And I laugh
For I'm nowhere
Unless I'm with you
Even though I'm ghostly
The pull of gravity keeps me true

A Silver Bullet
Went through my heart one day
Leaving me here
Now all I do is pray
I'm sick of turning
and twisting this way and that
What am I doing here
Whatever - it's where I'm athttps://suno.com/song/e83314...ec-0e24b5fcff51