Wonderful that you’ve made it! Put your keys in this bowl, pop your clothes on the side and follow the baby oil trail into that room down there…second on the left, would you like a cock ring or no? What?! It’s not that kind of swing parrrtay? Very excuse me!
In that case keep your keks on ya filthy animals! What were you thinking! Scour Records only deals in high class and tasteful….Hang about, is that The Fritz naked? What's he doing with that chocolate bar? Careless Wisper my arse! I don't care what Funkanizer told him, he’s a freaky mentalist pirate with three wooden legs and a patch over each eye! Ummm, what’s that in Father Funk’s trousers? It looks like Extra Medium & WBBL, how the double Christ did they get stuck down there? Get Daytoner with his angle grinder right now! Skeewiff & Hong Kong Ping Pong are angle grinding Daytoner’s crotch? He’s ginger! He’ll chafe something rotten! Call in the big guns, we need some Just Peach action…..exploded you say? Have those mysterious fez wearing cocktail slurping Tuxedo Junction lads been fiddling with their cannons again? Of course they have. :head in hands, swears quietly: Call the cops, and a priest....and maybe a vet!
Enjoy Scoured Swing! 50 shades of Hooray!”