Other Deirdre Halliwell
I Try

PLEASE NOTE: MY MATERIAL IS NSFW!

Yes, dears! It's really me! Miss Deirdre Halliwell. The ORIGINAL International Disco Diva...With A Dong! (Please ignore the shady bitch using my material, title and old shoes! She's a FRAUD! And those shoes were made for dainty feet. Not rancid trotters!)

Who am I? Well, I don't know! I'm usually too drunk to notice. (My liver has set up it's own GoFundMe page!)

I've read articles, fan mail and restraining orders that claim my comedy rewrites of the lyrics to classic songs and my "distinctive" Glaswegian vocals have seen me win awards, spend time in an Asylum, given me fans all over the world (Big in Japan, luvvies!) and royalty cheques that would make Pete Waterman turn green with envy...

Is any of this true? N...YES! It's ALL true!

If you like Divine, Roy Chubby Brown, Kevin Bloody Wilson, Beyonce... Then I am right up your.... er.... I am probably going to "go down well" as an addition to your music collection.

99% of my music is available somewhere on the internet... FOR FREE!

Occasionally, I do "rubbish CDR" compilations with my "worst bits" and pop them on a well known auction site. So keep your thighs peeled in the future for any merchandise that might tickle your fancy.

At the moment I am "semi-retired" from the biz of show. However, my "body of work" is staggering and is enough to keep the world moist and laughing for thousands of years! My royalty payments keep me in Bacardi and B&H and that's good enough for me! I'm like the Marlene Dietrich of filth!

I don't think any of that has made any sense. Has it? Delete that last part. The whole thing. Scrap it. You write what you think will amuse people. No, leave some of it. Hang on. Is this still recording? Su, just be a legendary secretary as always and pop on what you think is best. Oh, while I'm concious, did you pay the gas bill? Did Jason Donovan call back about that reworking of Especially For You? Has Sinitta sent back those tights she borrowed yet? Och, just send her a wee reminder. And say something like "We don't want another Southport Pontin's incident again...". Anyway. Night, Su. Oh! Don't forget to pick up that lamb from the butchers. And some baby pearl potatoes. And some fresh rosemary. And maybe some red wine. End message.